We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
