Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
