Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
