just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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