weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
