and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
