you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
