its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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