I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
