Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
