I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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