I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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