I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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