Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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