my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
