just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
