I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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