You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just google imaged poop.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
