i will never coherently bang her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
