haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
