either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
