you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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