Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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