I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Two words: blizzard sex
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
