If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Randomize
