Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
