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• (571): View more from Virginia

  We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.

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