ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
