I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
