why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I want a musical about memes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
