They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
