FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
