THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
