Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
