on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
