can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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