I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
