That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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