i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
