I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
