Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
