Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
