I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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