i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
