He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
