Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
