dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
