My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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