So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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