Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize