I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
