so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
