Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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