Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
