i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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