I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
