He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
