is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
