I wish I could teleport
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
