Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
