I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
