I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
