When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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