Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
