i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
